Why You Shouldn't Work In The Wedding Industry

It makes me feel positively ancient to admit it but it's almost a decade since I ran my first workshop for wannabe wedding planners and, in one way or another, I've been coaching, helping and working with start-ups and established businesses ever since.

There are so many reasons why the wedding industry (I actually hate that phrase but that's another post for another time) continues to be such a career draw for people and this niche market is home to some of the most talented, individual, unique and caring professionals out there. There is not a day that goes by when I do not say 'I'm proud to be a part of this'. In short, the UK wedding industry totally rocks. It's vibrant, creative, passionate and friendly. It is, without doubt, bloody brilliant.

However for every reason why people want to work in this sector, there are reasons why they shouldn't. And these aren't little reasons either. They are huge, gargantuan reasons, the proverbial elephant in the room of reasons but still they manage to get ignored, whether by accident or because people have their eyes screwed shut so they can't see them. But my friends, fear not, because I will unleash my inner slab faced realist and outline them all here for you so you can, never again, plead ignorance.

So, you shouldn't work in the wedding industry if...

1. ... you want to be creative all the time -  every creative still has to file tax returns, deal with expenses and invoices, keep up to date with admin and make time for the mundane, especially at the start when it's unlikely you'll be able to afford other people to do this for you. Ask anyone how long they spend working on their businesses as opposed to in it and you'll see the actual time spent in creative abandon is limited.
2. ... you want to work on your own - a wedding is a team effort. If you can't handle trusting the other professionals, if you want to control everything yourself or if you can't grasp the fact that you're not amazing at everything, then step away from the wedding job. The most amazing things I've ever been a part of if when I'm a tiny cog in a much bigger wheel - your Mastermind specialist subject isn't the entire industry, it's a little part of it. In short, you'll be more of a team player than you ever have been before.
3. ... you desperately need a steady, full-time salary - if you're used to money appearing in your bank account on a nice, regular monthly basis without having to really stop and think where it's coming from then give yourself a slap now and repeat the words 'it's down to me to earn my money' over and over until you're saying it in your sleep. Then remember that lots of wedding professionals are amazing whilst also holding down another job because it takes a long time to build up momentum, a long time to earn back all those start-up costs and a long time to be able to pay yourself that nice regular salary. It takes a bride a long time to plan a wedding, it takes a wedding business a long time to see a regular turnover.
4. ... you don't cope well with rejection - the fact is that you're going to be knocked back. Potential clients will choose someone else, potential collaborations won't pan out, promised coverage won't come off, ideas will be rejected and you're not going to be universally loved. You need to hold onto your idea in your way and be true to you and you will build up a network of like-minded wedding pals and you'll appeal to brides who think you're just the best. But it takes time, tenacity and the ability to bounce on back like a boomerang. Again. And again.
5. ... you love your weekends - if every weekend is about lay-ins, long walks, late nights on the lash and happy carefree days sans responsibility then don't quit the day job. Weddings are usually at weekends, clients don't often work weekends so want to meet you then, wedding fairs/fayres/showcases/open days are at weekends and you'll have to be there. Saturdays are the new Monday.
6. ... you don't have a great support network - you're going to need someone to pick you up or talk you down from crazy flights of fantasy and remind you that this is a business not a dream. You're going to need someone who can run the house/look after the kids/not go mad through loneliness when you're out doing you're thing. You're also going to need someone who doesn't go ballistic when it's 9pm on a Wednesday and you're addicted to #weddinghour on twitter. In short, you need people around you who get you and who get why this is so important to you and want nothing more than to see you fly.
7. ... you want a super glam life - or, alternatively, realise that Instragram lies. For every photo posted of an award ceremony, a dinner, a cake tasting or a glam photoshoot, there are hundreds of untaken snaps of dull days at desks, crazed faces after late nights in front of a laptop or blistered feet after a long wedding day. Who wants to see pics of business plans, financial forecasts or that cup of coffee that's gone cold after a long, slightly ill-timed phone call? Yes, there are many, many great moments but, as the bride wears the unattractive underwear to hold it all together under the designer gown, wedding professionals work sodding hard to look relaxed.
8. ... you're all about spontaneity - when you get into weddings, you're going to get booked up months & years in advance. Weddings require long term commitment, not just from the people taking the vows but from all those beavering away behind the scenes. 
9. ... you just love the romance of weddings - it is undeniably wonderful to spend your time at  weddings. However, you're working now, you're not a guest and you're certainly not the bride or the centre of attention. If you've got unresolved issues about your own wedding/marriage/divorce/dress/flowers, get professional help - don't try to become the professional help that others turn to for their own big day.
10. ... you think you're done with learning - if you can't keep your mind open, if you don't want to improve yourself, stretch yourself, challenge yourself and constantly constantly better yourself and help those around you to get better too then think again my friend. Whether you're reading a blog post full of stuff you didn't know, attending workshops or just meeting new people who open your eyes to new possibilities, you're going to be learning every single day. 

Feeling a bit down? A bit bruised and battered? Loathing me for sucking the life out of this amazing industry? That's ok because if this is the blog equivalent of those excruciating biology lessons where your teachers told you all about sex in a way that made you never ever want to take your clothes off, let along do it, Monday's post will be more like a gossipy session with your friends when everything seemed like much more fun...

Derrière, Meet Chaussure

There are times when I despair. Proper, full-on despair. The kind that sees me slump across my desk in the manner of a swooning maiden, head resting on my outstretched arms, my groans somewhat muffled by the notebook, magazine or laptop that's taken the brunt of the impact.

You see, I have an amazing step-daughter. A beautiful, clever, loving, funny, kind, and super-talented step-daughter who could change the world, make countless lives better and, I'm sure, totally transform the lives of those lucky enough to get close to her.

But, I despair. I despair because she is happy to coast along, like the proverbial pebble in the stream, tumbling onward but not controlling anything. She's waiting for things to happen to her, for things to be arranged for her or for others to make decisions for her. Instead of taking life by the scruff of the neck, she's giving it the gentlest of placatory pats on the head. There, there life, don't be worried by me.

Yes, yes, I know she's a teenager and I should be grateful that she actually speaks and doesn't just grunt, that she loves to help me in the kitchen rather than staying in her room listening to girl band music and only emerging to row with us and exit again to the sound of slamming doors. And I am grateful - grateful, glad and happy that the daughter-I-didn't-think-I'd-have actually seems to be negotiating her teens without losing it.

However, time is tick-tick-ticking along and she's slip-sliding through a life that could be extraordinary. I hear her making excuses for not doing things, not trying things and not making the most of things and it breaks my heart. So I slump deskwards again, wondering when she'll wake up.

About now, I imagine that you're thinking you've stumbled onto one of those vaguely tedious whining posts where the writer bares their soul in the hope of being flung some scraps of comfort. That's not what this is.

You see, as much as I despair about the beautiful girl in my life, I know she's only a teenager, and a teenager who has had some pretty shitty things happen to her in her life so I can make allowances for her and hope that by example and by encouragement, she can take baby steps towards being the whole person and my despair will turn to pride. And, she's fifteen, she's got time to get it right.

How about you? How much time have you got? Do the opportunities and moments where you could jump forwards, away from the crowd, pass? Is playing it safe from the sidelines better than getting stuck in? What are those things that you really really want? You know, those things that you can barely even own up to because they're so longed for and so personal and there's the feeling that if you acknowledge them and they don't work out, that you'll be pretty crushed. And that deep desire can be almost crippling - the worry of trying, the worry of the work, the effort, the worry of what you might do if actually those dreams work out and the worry, just the worry all the time.

And yet, in that petrified, frozen state, you're not really living. You're not out there, doing, changing, experiencing, experimenting, trying and achieving. You're sleepwalking and allowing the days to pass.

So, this is the post where you get that kick in the pants I'm afraid. As the nasty doctor said when he gave you the yukky medicine to swallow "it's for your own good I'm afraid". Do something, anything, because nothing will change if you don't. It's scary and terrifying yes, but a life that's lifeless should be the nightmare. So, get on with it - whatever the 'it' might be for you. Don't just talk about it, be about it.

As for Emily, she'll be fine, she'll be more than fine. She'll live a life in the light because she's too bright for the shadows.

And she's not the only one is she?

10 Years On... Memories Of My First Wedding

Me, 10 Years Ago!

I truly can't believe that my first wedding was ten years ago. Ten years?! It seems like yesterday but, at the same time, it feels like a lifetime ago too. So much has changed for me since then that looking back at this almost feels like I'm squinting back at someone else.

For those of you that don't know the story, I was inspired to start my company, which I called 'TK on the Day' (catchy huh?!) after my own wedding which is, the biggest cliche going right? Oh dear. I didn't want to be a wedding planner, but I knew from my day and from doing a little research, that there was a gap in the market for what I called 'on the day co-ordination'. Which does partly explain/excuse the company name anyway.

I started the business on less than £100 and within the first week, after a few mentions on a wedding forum, I had bookings. It was slightly unbelievable. I hadn't expected interest this quickly so, when the first bride asked for a brochure, I had to write it pretty quickly. When she then wanted to book, I had to design the booking form pretty flipping quickly. It was all a bit of a shock.

Right from the word go, I felt very strongly that I had to be myself. I couldn't put on an act of fake sweetness or contrived fluffiness. That wasn't, isn't, me. I put everything together so it reflected me in the hope it would attract like-minded brides. And it did.

My first couple were lovely. Their wedding, in beautiful Haselmere was followed by a marquee reception at home. It was exceptionally hard work, possibly the hardest wedding I've ever worked by my goodness, did I enjoy it. I loved getting everything set up, liaising with suppliers, helping the guests, dealing with little issues  and most of all, I adored the challenge of it. The need to keep calm and carry on while underneath the in control exterior, I was a bundle of nerves. I knew I needed to look confident and be decisive, whatever happened. The years of leadership training in the Air Cadets really paid off here and I kept chanting in my head 'fake it until you make it', reminding myself that the guests would never know this was my first wedding unless I gave them cause to doubt me.

Now I've started writing this post, it strikes me just how much I can remember - I remember the bow on the gate to the house, the candle tablecentres, the black and white dancefloor, the huge vase of garden flowers with the table plan propped by it, the deaf guest who hurt his hand, the way the heat built up in the marquee, the bride's face when she arrived after the ceremony and lighting tealight after tealight as dusk fell.

The wedding day was one of the record-breakingly hot days of summer 2003. I was on my feet for more than 15 hours that day and when I drove home, my feet were so swollen, I couldn't change gear. I hadn't drunk enough, I'd barely eaten, I could hardly stand up and I spent much of the next day on the sofa. But, I'd done it and I'd done it well. The bride and groom e-mailed their thanks along with the photo they'd requested of me with them and they were thrilled and I was overjoyed.

The little fledgling business idea I'd had whilst on honeymoon was up and running. And I was running it.

My little baby had just taken its first steps.

The Wedding Professional's Business Conference

So, I'm writing this post with, amazingly, the sun streaming in through the window. This is making me very happy and smiley so it seems like the perfect  time to share some news.

This November sees the first UK Wedding Professional's Conference and I'm really pleased to be able to say that I'm speaking alongside some truly fabulous people including the gorgeous Julia from Brides Up North, the very talented Tina Reading from Ultimate Wedding Magazine and many more (you can check out the list here)

In my sessions, I'm going to be talking about making today's bride want you and knowing your powers to sell you strengths - both sessions are going to be really interesting, full of tips and ideas and also, I hope, a bit of humour!

I'm really proud to be speaking at the Conference - the wedding industry in the UK is full of vibrant, creative and dynamic individuals. And I'm hoping to see lots of them (and yes, that means you!) in November.