Tuesday, 19 March 2013

Excuse Me, Who Are You? - Thoughts On Cliques

via Pinterest
Ok, so this post isn't exactly part of the Finding Your Voice series but it fits quite nicely with all the things we're talking about at the moment. And that, in case you're joining us a little late, is being who you are - an authentic, consistent, true version of yourself.

This post has been inspired by my eleven year old step-son because it's all about knowing who you are and being that person with your head held high.

There are groups, cliques, circles, clubs, clans or whatever you chose to call them in life. It's part of the way humans bond with like-minded people. We can't fit into them all, no matter how much we try. Is that fair? Actually, fair doesn't come into it because it is what it is - getting bent out of shape because of your perceptions is crazy and, if you're happy as you, happy with your place in life, why should you care?

Now, I'm not advocating stamping all over people, being rude, being downright mean and excusing yourself with a "well, I'm just being me" comment. But my point is - if you know who you are, the place you're in is the best place for you.

My step-son doesn't know who he is. He wants to hang with the sporty kids but he's a bit too small and not quite competitive enough for them. He wants to hang with the quieter kids who stay out of trouble but he's too boisterous for them. He wants to try gymnastics because the boy in the class who can bend himself into a ball is the centre of attention but my step-son hates the discipline of classes. He doesn't want to be told what to do but without someone giving him structure, he's at a complete loss. He just doesn't know who he is or where his place is and that makes me sad.

And I see some of the same thing in the wedding industry too. There are people, good people, who want to hang with the 'cool kids' but, for lots of reasons don't and that's somehow then portrayed as being the problem of the group in question. That's not the case at all - the question should be why is being part of that group so important? What do you get by being in that circle? And why can't you get it without that approval?

Knowing yourself, being yourself and finding your own way is so important. It's how we attract like-minded clients, build relationships with other professionals that are supportive and mutually beneficial and, most importantly, enjoy what we do. Trying to wedge yourself into a group you perceive as being 'important' is never going to work on so many levels. It's a waste of your energy and it can become so destructive - it's a fixation that obscures the beauty of who you really are from everyone.

As my step-son is finding out, it's not existence of these groups that's the problem. The problem is not knowing where you really belong because without that knowledge, you can never find the place that suits you.

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